Get Wagner Out!!!

It is now officially the world’s biggest farce,
As ‘Vagner’ rolls through again and Aiden’s out on his arse.

Paije was convinced he was a goner, it was written all over his face,
As Dermot revealed he’d made it through, escaping his fall from grace.

In the bottom two since the start of the show,
We were all convinced that Katie would go.

But no, the shock as Dannii’s crooner took the hit,
In favour of Louis’, tuneless Brazilian twit.

Simon is really starting to get on my wick,
Booting Rachel last year for not being the public pick.

But ‘cause Waissel makes headlines week in week out,
Cowell just sits back and lets the others fight it out.

So long as his boyband continue sailing through,
He honestly doesn’t care who else we hiss and boo.

Touted by their boyband peers to win this years’ contest,
The boys are moving higher towards their fame conquest.

Harry is the stud and Zain the token harmony,
Liam and Louis look the same, while Niall’s the lil blondie.

With over 150,000 facebook fans on the social networking site,
The other acts better watch themselves, they’re in for an almighty fight.

Rocking an Elton John anthem, fresh from a trip to Leicester Square,
They love Emma Watson and the spotlight, they’re literally floating on air.

And did anyone notice in this week’s results, Rebecca wore the same dress as before,
Am thinking her style crown may take a tumble post her Sunday night fashion faux pas.

While Cheryl rocked the Minnie Mouse look, with a hint of Princess Lea,
Cher stepped closer to her transformation to become Cole’s mini replica.

Mary for me has lost her appeal, think she’s tired and should cut her losses,
She truly belongs on the West End stage, could someone have a word with the ITV bosses?

Matt’s still gorgeous though wasn’t keen on this week’s song,
But it ain’t his fault that the theme was Elton John.

Feel sorry for Louis Walsh, Simon’s rudeness is beginning to get old.
But his acts JLS and Westlife last night proved their weight in gold.

The women squealed as then onto the stage came their girlhood fantasy,
The reformed Take That performed their song, complete with Mr Robbie.

Seal revealed he’s backing Rebecca as this year’s star,
But the way that things are going, it could be (gulp) Wagner!!!

Sex and the City 2: The London Premiere

So yes, after days of tormenting myself as to whether or not I should brave the crowds and join them in trying to catch a glimpse of the famous foursome at last night's Leicester Square premiere - I went, I saw, I conquered.



Arriving at the Odeon amidst the beginnings of the Thursday evening rush hour I headed down to the square to see screens and gates and trailers and glitter enclosing the otherwise tourist-filled Leicester Square.



Taking up my position by the gates to settle in and await the arrival of the SATC cast I watched as more and more people flooded in from seemingly every corner...



An odd gentleman to my left decided to voice his very strange opinion as to why the crowd was mostly female, saying he knew that one of the stars is gay and therefore all or most of the spectators were there because we all had a major crush on her... hmmm, I told him he didn't understand the appeal of Sex and the City and that it was actually the kind of cult following that had nothing whatsoever to do with lesbian love... "The fashion!" I tried explaining to him - but to no avail. He was adamant, and he told me "I know, I've done my reading" - okay... Not content with leaving it at that, he arrived at my side again to declare that he was unequivocally NOT interested in men. "That's good to know", I told him. Thankfully he finally melted away into the crowd and I was joined by some normal people.



However, the weirdness was not over... Two... creatures arrived at the gate moments later. One was dressed in a blue tutu and looked like something Sesame Street had thrown up, with too much make-up and not enough brain capacity to function. Her companion was even worse, wearing a mismatched ensemble topped off with a headband out of which protruded a pair of furry balls and hugging a framed picture of... Bruce Forsyth!!



The movie's soundtrack was being played over the tannoy so that all of Leicester Square could enjoy the lyrics of "Single Ladies" (not so wonderfully covered my Liza Minelli in the movie), Alicia Keys' "New York" and more, including the lilting sound of the Middle-East. "Well that's all wrong! What's that?" says Blue Tutu - "It's Moroccan" I supply helpfully. "Wha?!" (Blue Tutu), "Moroccan..." I reply. "And why's tha?" (Blue Tutu). "Ummm, because they film part of the movie in Morocco...". Seriously, these freaks are probably not even aware of what movie is even on - and Bruce Forsyth certainly aint gonna be making an appearance!!!



I spend the rest of the wait trying to ignore them and get chatting to my new "normal" friends as we trade SATC stories and wait for Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda!!! Gok Wan appears at the top of the stairs flanked by Jenny something (can't be bothered to be interested in who she actually is) and riles up the crowd by telling us that from his vantage point he can see the limos arriving...



We watch as the first of the Z-list arrives, fake-tanned and heavily made up, sporting what they believe to be the height of sophisticated fashion. They're followed by TV actors and actresses; a few of the lesser well-known cast members blend into the arrivals and drift into the cinema unnoticed while all eyes are turned toward the stairs as we hear Gok interviewing (apparently the object of all our affection!!) Cynthia Nixon. She appears soon after and descends the stairs quickly in a 'blink or you'd miss her' swathe of cobalt blue fabric and strawberry blonde waves.



Next up is the gorgeous Kim Cattrall, who seems as excited to see us as we are to see her!! Channelling old school hollywood glamour with blonde waves a la Marilyn Monroe she waves enthusiastically as a series of flashbulbs go off and the air is filled with arms and cameras!! Closely following behind is the diminuitive Kristin Davis looking exactly like her on-screen counterpart Charlotte with her hair long and loose and wearing an exquisite sparkly gold number. She too waves energetically and flashes her mega-watt smile at the crowd. She looks like a doll, a really beautiful doll!!



Chris Noth, aka Mr Big is the next to walk the red carpet, looking insanely handsome and tall (unlike most film stars). And then... the undoubted star of the show herself... Sarah Jessica Parker appears at the top of the stairs and the crowd goes wild!!! She's wearing a fuzzy-looking black fascinator in her tradition of wearing a large headpiece to the London premiere (thereby blocking the view of whomever sits behind her) and looks absolutely breathtaking!!



I am finally seeing SJP in the flesh!!! And then it's over and they've disappeared inside the cinema to be served canapes, be shmoozed by those lucky enough to have received a pink envelope inviting them to this most illustrious soiree and enjoy the London debut screening of Sex and the City 2!!!!



My turn tonight - dragging Lee to the Tricycle Cinema in Kilburn for pre-film cocktails, followed by the movie and then a VIP experience like no other, a Q&A with none other than Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall)!!! And I'm sitting front row...