The B Word: Part Deux

I apologise for continuing this particular subject within the space of one week, but there really is no escaping it.



Marie O'Riordan, former editor of Marie Claire, waxed lyrical in the Saturday Times about the debate over motherhood versus lying in on the weekend and other such luxuries denied to most parented people.

She said: "There are millions of us — married or single, gay or straight, infertile or desperately trying, positively child free or regretfully childless — and yet we are increasingly sidelined by a society obsessed with progeneration."

Those who choose not to wander down the baby road, or those who find obstacles placed in their way should not be ostracised by society or made to feel like alien life forms. As Carrie Bradshaw pointed out on discovering her aversion to marriage and all things societally expected: "I should be put in a test tube and studied." However, surely the flood of 'procreation propaganda' only serves to inform us that perhaps it is those women who DO choose motherhood, particularly before the age of 35, that are considered to be the weird ones?

With a new government determined to make Britain the most family-friendly country in Europe is it any wonder the media and entertainment industry are clamouring to have their two penny's worth? Fertility is the hot topic of the day as babies become the new popular accessory, and 20-something women with a bump no longer need worry that opinions may instantly be drawn to the negative connotations of pregnancy on someone still young enough to wear a crop top and mini skirt.

Opinions change, trends fluctuate, and Jennifer Aniston's fateful saga continues, but what is clear is this: everybody is entitled to do what they want to do, and to be able to do it without fear of judgement or discrimination.

Life is for living, and more importantly, living it for nobody but yourself.

The B Word

I've just finished reading this article from Daily Mail's Femail magazine [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1294231/How-latest-generation-graduates-choosing-time-motherhood-high-flying-careers.html], and in fact read a similar article in the Saturday Times magazine about a group of women ranging in age from 20 to 27 who have all chosen domestic bliss over a high-flying career. It's got me thinking...

As a 20-something, recently married woman, babies are definitely something I am thinking about. I mean, you have to right? Factoring them into your plans for the future is completely necessary, especially as the years seem to be speeding past.



Last week's Stylist magazine spoke about the ever-present biological clock, with the aptly phrased cover line: Tick Tock Tick Tock. The article outlined ways to essentially put the brakes on it, offering ways of pressing pause on fertility from egg freezing to surrogacy. The media certainly seems to be putting particular emphasis on this fertility. Tina Fey's 'Baby Mama' (2008) presents the notion of surrogacy in a comic portrayal of one woman putting all her eggs (literally) into another woman's basket...



...while Jennifer Aniston is set to star in 'The Switch', choosing to go down the artifical insemination route (only who IS the father?)



...it's amazing how many options there are available. And the voice of current popular culture is making sure it informs us of them.

As women strive to 'have it all' in this oh so trendy day and age, the stress of achieving it all is incredibly wearisome. Our fertile years are purported to be between 20-30, however with the average individual graduating at 21 the likelihood of securing marital and domestic bliss plus your intended career within this time frame is in most cases nil to one. Realistically, the average woman is about 26-27 before she is at the stage where the 'B' word is even factoring in her consciousness...

And then there's the issue of maternity leave - in most cases, you have to have been with your company for at least 3 years to be eligible for the full maternity allowance, unless of course you are in the position where you work for yourself/from home/do not need to work.

And what happens when your choice is taken away and pregnancy arrives without a warning? I have always maintained the importance of 'readiness' - I (personally) want to have achieved the majority of my "singleton" objectives before baby: husband (check), first home (hopefully next year), travel (in the works), financial security (hmmm...). But when will we ever be really ready for what having a baby truly means for our lives, in some ways maybe it would be nice for fate to just take the decision out of our hands.



Especially when we consider the issues one may encounter when finally ready TO try - in our favourite TV shows we watched as first Charlotte in Sex and the City and then Monica in Friends came up against the reality of infertility. A friend and I were having dinner the other night and she said she was seriously considering fertility testing. She's 26 and not yet married to her boyfriend but owns her own home and has a good job, and is not planning to start a family for the next few years but she wants to know that when the time comes, she has done her homework (so to speak).

Compared with our predecessors from decades past, we are fortunate to have numerous portals open to us enabling us with options that were not on the market years ago. But this issue is something that remains at the back of most female minds...



Jennifer Lopez just recently starred in 'The Back-Up Plan' [http://www.theback-upplan.com] about another 30-year old woman who hasn't yet met The One, and tired of waiting decides to strike out on her own via artifical insemination - but of course, Hollywood movie and all, who does she bump into 5 minutes later, but, Mr Right - and guess what, he doesn't mind playing father to her unborn child!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAyzwSZ2o48


And, needless to say, the celebrity magazines are full of our favourite movie stars, Sandra Bullock, Angelina Jolie, Meg Ryan to name a few, choosing the philanthropic route of adoption; this could also be an option, though the road is long and tumultuous, but definitely worthwhile.

So, 'baby' is the hot word of the moment. It will be interesting to see if the 1950s housewife re-emerges. The 1980s baby boom (aptly illustrated in the 1987 film starring Diane Keaton) seems to be being repeated and only time will tell if we all decide to give up on the Wall Street/Big City career in favour of making jam in the countryside...!!