Going, Going, Wrong...

I despise eBay. Truthfully, I hate them, loathe them, despair of them. A large online conglomerate making decisions about the little people who deign to buy and sell within their worldwide empire of stuff.

Okay, I’ll tell you why I hate them.

I recently sold a bag under the auspices of eBay; a satchel bag from Zara to be more specific, attaching a high resolution image from the store’s website and stating my ‘NO RETURNS’ policy. Tagging various additional elements that I perceived also accurately described the bag, I also added a blurb extolling its values. So eBay Bitch (a.k.a. “The Buyer”) sidles up – metaphorically speaking – to request further information on height, width and depth of the bag. I duly responded and once the sale ended the transaction was complete and I posted out the bag to the buyer – at added cost to myself to ensure it arrived in pristine condition but I only charged standard posting costs out of courtesy.

Less than a week later, she requested a refund based on the fact the bag was not as described. She claimed it to be green not tan as tagged in my description, though later relented to khaki after I came back to her and reminded her that I have a ‘no returns’ policy. She asked that I make an exception in this instance… I’m sorry, but have any of you been into a store with a clear ‘No Returns’ policy and been successful in asking them to make an exception just for you because you don’t quite like the product you’ve bought for whatever reason? Besides which, colour is objective, and I tagged ‘tan’ because I thought it an accurate shade – after all, khaki (and pale khaki at that) is a fine line between light brown and light green… and eBay don’t have the option of ‘khaki’ in their tagging anyway.

After numerous emails back and forth, aggressive from her, polite from me, she lodged a dispute with eBay demanding I pay her a full refund and when I reiterated my stance on the ‘No Returns’ policy she escalated the case enabling eBay themselves to make the final call. She lodged it Friday night at around 9.30pm, eBay had settled it by 9.30am on Saturday morning. And with no weekend number seemingly in operation all I could do was wait until this morning to challenge them via phone. I had been unable to file my own case against her for harassment and speaking with an eBay representative this morning my concerns that the seller is left with little or no protection were confirmed. They said their decision had been made based purely on the fact that the case had not been resolved; my guess is they didn’t even examine the evidence. So much for innocent until proven otherwise…

I explained the situation to the rep and stated clearly that on account of the aforementioned reasons I would not be issuing a refund regardless if eBay Bitch returned the bag to me. They refused to reconsider their decision while the case was open and said once the bag was returned – and only IF it was in poor condition – that I could then appeal the case. I think this is a travesty and on hearing a friend of mine incurring an even worse debacle involving an iPad that eventually called for the involvement of the police; I am hereby affecting a personal boycott of eBay in a bid to protect myself from further harassment, foul play and disgusting conduct by both eBay and the individual who bought my bag.

In an age where the majority of activity – financial, leisure and social – is carried out online, one would expect a greater degree of protection and democracy extended in this arena. Until that happens, eBay, the only bid I’ll be making is for more stringent online parameters.

Good on Paper

I’ve read and heard a lot recently about tricks and techniques to generate creativity in writing. In a copy meeting the other day my editor suggested getting up early and writing 3 pages of absolutely anything every morning just to release that writing genie for the rest of the day. This works if you are a morning person, otherwise perhaps you could give the following a try…

Some tips:

1) Treat your writing like you would an exercise regime. I have a personal trainer with whom I have a session every Saturday and each week I have to provide him with diaries of what I’ve eaten since he last saw me. Try this with your writing – find someone to who you can be accountable because as soon as you start having to answer to someone you’ll find your motivation increase tendfold.

2) Mentor somebody. Speaking to a colleague of mine recently he expressed a hidden love of writing and asked if I’d read something he’d written and critique it. So over lattes and hot chocolates in Costa one evening after work I read over a piece of his work. He clearly has a talent but it is in those early stages of development, and through brainstorming ideas with him for how to turn what was a description into a story I found myself generating ideas I didn’t even know were in my head!

3) Join a Writing Group: These are excellent for providing you a safe platform to have your work critiqued by like-minded individuals and learn from other’s feedback on their own work. Plus, the more writers you know the more likely you will be to hear about worthwhile events, conferences and website links to helpful information to help you improve your writing and expose you to invaluable workshops and opportunities to meet agents and editors face to face.

4) Join a Book Group: Reading and discussing books in and out of your genre will increase your market awareness as well as inspire you in your own writing. Understanding what works and what doesn’t; what people like and dislike; and how things sound in other writers’ words will help you to pinpoint your own areas of weakness, and of course strength!

5) Make a date with yourself to write. I have found that by writing into my diary times when I have to go take out the laptop and type away and by setting myself realistic word goals; I have actually accomplished a great deal in a short space of time. That little bit of forward planning, seeing it earmarked there in black and white means you will be far more inclined to turn on that laptop/take out that notepad and just write. Either fulfilling your preassigned word goal or in some cases exceeding it.

6) This is a bit of a silly one but it works all the same. Go to Rymans/WH Smiths/Paperchase (or another stationary alternative) and treat yourself to a gorgeous new notepad and pen for all your chapter planning and inspiration notes. I even go one step further and stop in at Accessorize to buy cute little stickers to earmark various stages of my writing. Just the idea of opening up something that inspires you (in my case a white notepad with glittery cupcakes all over it!!) can really boost your creativity.

Where will your love take you...

Review of Jill Mansell's 'To the Moon and Back'...

If there’s one thing Jill Mansell does well, it is to write romantic fiction. Creating loveable, compelling heroines who find themselves dealing with any number of relationship dilemmas but eventually get the guy; Jill has a perfected the art of suspense keeping her readers hooked until that climactic moment.

My love for Jill’s storytelling began with The One You Really Want and from that moment on I was hooked. When I had to spend two months away from my then-fiancé working in South Africa there was only one thing I knew that would stop me from being completely miserable, and so at WH Smith’s in Heathrow I stocked up on a few more of Jill’s titles and kept adding to my collection in Cape Town as I got through each one at a voracious pace.

Her latest novel, To the Moon and Back, deals with issues of love and loss in different ways; from the death of a beloved husband, to divorce and the cruel reality of Alzheimer’s disease. Handling each with the utmost care and thought, Jill draws us in to the urban yet idyllic setting of Primrose Hill to share in the emotions that these issues draw out within the narrative. The story of Ellie Kendall made me cry (in public places) and laugh out loud (also in public places) as I watched her journey from grieving widow to “whole again” woman with the aide of larger-than-life Roo, more than a father figure Tony and of course the delicious hero of this tale, Zack McLaren.

Jill creates quite the cast of characters, from “Vile Niall”, as I’ve nicknamed him to Zack’s loyal pooch Elmo, who always seems to bound in at just the wrong moments. Each one is imbued with their own distinctive personality to either make you fall in love with them or in some cases yearn for their head on a platter! If “unputdownable” was a word, it would be the one I would use to sum up this literary treat which will keep you enthralled from start to finish.

Continuing in the tradition of Jill’s remarkable romantic prose, To the Moon and Back will reaffirm that there is life and love after heartbreak, whichever form it comes in. And when that day comes you’ll find yourself on top of the world!

For more information on the author and when and where you can buy the book visit http://www.jillmansell.co.uk.


In conversation with the fabulous woman herself…

1) Are you a plotter and planner or a make-it-up-as-you-go-along kinda gal?
I make most of it up as I go along, after getting my original story-starting inspiration. It's difficult to plan ahead, and far more interesting to keep the plotting as a surprise!

2) Where do you tend to find the inspiration for your characters, and most importantly your female leads?
I honestly don't know where the inspiration comes from; the characters just appear in my head, fully formed. The moment I create them, I know everything about them. I suppose there are aspects of me in the female characters - my daughter used to find it weird reading my books because they all sounded just like me!

3) Can you tell us a little about your average writing day?
I write during school hours while the house is empty, always have the TV on, keep up to date with emails and twitter and aim to produce 1000 words on an average day. The first and last chapters of each book are the easiest to write. I also have to eat a lot of snacks to keep me going...

4) How long on average does it take you to complete each book from idea to finished manuscript? Do you set yourself a goal per day/week to ensure you get a certain amount done each sitting?
Oh, just half-answered that! It takes a year to write a book. Six hundred handwritten pages of actual writing, plus a lot of thinking time to keep the story interesting. The amount I get done varies from day to day, but it all pans out in the end - thank goodness!

5) Did you ever experience that moment of doubt? How did/would you combat it?
Almost every moment is a moment of doubt while I'm writing - I always think my work is unpublishable and expect it to be rejected when I send it off to my editor. Most authors are the same. It never seems good enough until it appears in physical book form - then I can view it as an outsider and realise it's not so bad after all!

6) Your latest novel, 'To the Moon and Back', deals with loss and coming to terms with it; what led you to choose this theme for the story?
To be honest, after 23 books I'm just trying to come up with a theme I haven't used before! But I was drawn to the idea of using the dead person as an actual character in the book. Kind of like Patrick Swayze in Ghost, but without my own character being a ghost!

7) What do you make of the new digital age of publishing as books go from shelf to screen? Are you a fan of the Kindle and e-books?
It's all moving so fast - I'm interested to see what will happen. Signs are that people are reading more, which is great news. I do read via my iPad but also love physical books, especially when the covers are as beautiful as the one for To the Moon and Back.

8) You mention the website Popbitch in your latest book; what are your main sources for keeping up to date with news, trends and gossip?
Same as everyone, I imagine - newspapers, blogs, magazines, TV. I love it all!

9) List your top three all time favourite novels.
Riders by Jilly Cooper.
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.
One Day by David Nicholls

10) If you could bestow just one nugget of advice to aspiring novelists - what would it be?
Enjoy and empathise with your characters. If you don't like spending time with them, your readers probably won't either. And eat lots of crisps - they're very helpful in the creative process!

It Ads Up

A colleague lent me a 1988 edition of Vogue over the weekend and as I reclined at home with a cup of tea and Cindy Crawford’s youthful beauty emanating from the front cover, it occurred to me just how much has changed in the past twenty three years. There was even a 20p off coffee voucher somewhere in the middle, inserted within the restaurants section.

Okay so the wide-shouldered, angular silhouettes may cast little difference between an ‘80s edition and a current one, however rather than wading through the ads to find the content it was the other way around. With just a few advertorials on skin products, Horlicks and Debenhams, equally interspersed with articles on everything from health, fitness and beauty to travel, fashion and horoscopes; the real age of advertising seemed a long way off from Condé Nast’s flat-planning. With ads being thin on the proverbial ground it was a real joy to cut straight through and read the thoughtful and academic editorial: commentary on relevant designers such as Eileen Gray and Joe Tilson, notes from playwright David Mamet and debates of current political relevance (which at the time centred on the new education bill). Unlike the contemporary version which is stuffed to the gills with predominantly fashion and beauty and ads. Even the cover should tip us off as to the economically sleek content within, particularly when compared with its 2011 peer…


The Eighties marked the era of Margaret Thatcher, higher taxes and budget cuts. Vogue featured a spread on Thatcher entitled ‘Political Dressing’ and raised the point that advertising plays a significant role in the success of any political candidate, particularly a first lady: ‘Politicians and their dress have become a matter of considerable interest. All now wedded to the television camera and the advertising campaign, they must be sure that the way they look stands up to the scrutiny of a public that is skilled in the reading of images.’ So fashion is an ad campaign? But what are we endorsing, ourselves or the craftsmanship of designer and high-street seamstresses? How we look can dictate a number of things: whether we succeed or fail; whether we carry ourselves with poise and confidence; and whether we buy Vogue or not.

It’s all in the advertising really. How we look is a projection of how we would like others to see us. So while Thatcher would don modest mid-calf skirts, neck-high blouses and tailored jackets hoping to instil confidence and respect in her voters, Yves Saint Laurent would don peonies and a glam-looking Milla Jovovitch to instil consumers with an aspirational need to use its perfume. Good looking people, well-photographed products and catchy phrases all concocted to sell. But while Vogue circa 1988 did it subtly, Vogue circa now shoves it up our noses, in our faces and down our necks at every page-turning opportunity it gets.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I class myself a ‘Vogue Woman’ along with the rest of the trend-following lemmings alighting at Oxford Circus station every morning, however, having this ’88 point of reference really opened my eyes to how society views us. Yes 21st Century Vogue covers all the same reference points, culture, politics, fashion etc; but the sheer extent of advertising in modern-day magazines points to the fact that more than ever we are driven by money and materialism.

So here’s a thought for your Wednesday afternoon – particularly those of you who (like me) work on Oxford Street (or in one of the other fashion-heavy districts of London) – when you trawl the stores on your lunch-hour are you buying things because you really want them, or are you just buying into the glittery trap of all-consumering advertising?

Dancing with Herself

For anyone that loves the ballet, Black Swan evokes the grace, the sensuality, the poise and the beauty of this remarkable art-form. Set within the trappings of the stereotypical “parental-child prodigy” parameters, Natalie Portman plays out repressed performer Nina Sayers to perfection. Smothered in the cotton-wool confines of both her mother’s control and a pre-pubescent bedroom, complete with numerous stuffed animals; Nina must impress the director of her dance company into allocating her the role of the Swan Queen in his new season’s production of Swan Lake.

Intermingled with the elegance of performance, the grittiness of the New York subway, the eerie distortion of Tchaikovsky’s soundtrack and the friction between the dancers; flashes of Nina’s inner anxieties can be seen creeping to the surface. Her darker self is threatening to get out as Aronofsky reveals Nina’s internal battle; her biggest contender is herself. The allusion that Nina’s evil alternate is responsible for the scratches that appear on her body mounts as the film gathers pace, with self-harm and bulimia clearly shown as the mediums through which Nina employs her demons which are attacking her from within.

Getting every step, turn and en pointe absolutely right, it is Nina’s obsession with perfection which threatens her aptitude for taking on both elements of her coveted role – the white innocent swan and her darker alter-ego, the black swan. The director encourages her to embrace her sexuality and “live a little” prompting some rather steamy scenes where we see Nina touching herself. In the first instance Nina gets so lost in the moment she is unaware that her mother is asleep in her room; an interesting nod to the unhealthy relationship between mother and daughter.

Enter Lily (Mila Kunis). Tattooed, carefree and sexy as hell, Lily radiates ease and seduction. An import of San Francisco she is free of Nina’s New York neuroses and embodies the dual persona that the director is looking for in his leading lady. Imitating the rivalry and paranoia that the white swan feels in the ballet, Nina (Portman) begins to believe that Lily is intent on replacing her on stage and shuns Lily’s attempts at friendliness. However, as Nina’s imagination runs ever more rampant and we see her effect an emotional separation from both her mother and her childhood self, she lets Lily in and the two spend an evening together. The real blends with the imagined as Nina gives herself over to the freeing experiences Lily is keen for her to try, however the consequences prove deadly. Nina’s paranoia and envy grow to manic proportions as her relationship with both Lily and herself come to a head on opening night.


Aronofsky draws a beautiful parallel between the story of Swan Lake and the dynamics of his cast, as the underbelly of the performing world rears its head amid the injury and rivalry and sexuality rife in the world he creates. Portman’s performance is breathtaking from her face to her movement to her presentation of Nina’s inner turmoil, while Kunis is as ever stunning and easy to watch as she spars with Portman to build up the tension and chemistry that takes us to the ultimate climax of both the ballet and the film production. Slightly bloody at times and certainly tinged with a sinister edge, Black Swan will sweep you off your feet from the start and keep you pirouetting on its intensity long after you’ve left the cinema.

Truly deserving of its critical accolades, Black Swan is one of the must-see films of 2011.

Gym Bunny

In light of this morning’s headlines pertaining to the intended £1,000 “fat” tax to be imposed on fast food eateries in a bid to curtail the British obesity epidemic, I thought I would dedicate this morning’s post to the gym. As someone who rarely (if ever) eats anything that comes under the heading: Fast Food (I’m not allowed or my trainer will personally see to it that I pay for consuming said food), I think this is good news though I am unsure what the impact will be. In the meantime however, it would be advisable for those people consuming the fast food to head to the gym for some fast classes… or slower ones, whatever takes your fancy. Plus, the more you work out the fitter you become and the less likely you’ll be to encounter eejits like the following…

So I was at the gym the other day busting my moves on the cross trainer and eavesdropping on the conversation going on beside me between a trainer and a new member. I later got chatting to the member (who incidentally was female, for your reference) deciding to impart my own gym-related wisdom to an exercise virgin.

‘Have you been coming to the gym long then?’ she asked.
‘Yes, I joined Virgin Active about three years ago,’ I replied.
‘Oh I see,’ she said. ‘So did you lose a lot of weight then?’

WTF!!

I may be being paranoid but I think she was implying that I must have been very fat to have been coming to the gym for three years and look the way I do (which is not “fat” if you must know). Jeez this woman should join the club my mother started back in my teens called “Berate daughter about her weight and appearance whenever one gets the opportunity”!! The woman then pointed to a slender thing on a treadmill over yonder and said, ‘She’s nice and slim, isn’t she.’ To which I replied, ‘Yes, let’s all strive for that shall we!’ and promptly hopped off the cross trainer in pursuit of some other form of exercise to help me vent my frustration.

Speaking of venting frustration, I love my weekly Wednesday 7am boxercise class – it really gets the heart-rate up and the muscles working hard. Though it amuses me to witness the range of strength and boxing style showcased every week. Thanks to my trainer who showed me how to move and position myself properly I feel confident with my technique; however the same cannot be said of some of my sparring partners. To explain I have sequestered them into categories:

The Cat
She swipes her paws (gloves) playfully at you in a kind of ‘come hither’ slash fly swatting manoeuvre, with no real energy behind her.

The Gentle Giant
He’s built like a brick shithouse, probably took heaps of steroids and prides himself on spending 5 out of 7 days preening in front of the mirror at the gym flexing his biceps and triceps with a 4 kilo weight. In short, his punch ain’t got no punch. He’s all muscle and no follow-through if you get my meaning.

The Midget
She’s so teeny you probably didn’t even realise she was there until you heard a yelp from somewhere beneath you to alert you to her presence. Predictably she punches like a girl and thus when donning pads against her there is no effort required on your part other than to smile politely and hold still.

The Batsman
Pads or gloves, this guy is always in the proverbial ring. He just cannot help himself, he’s proud of his swing and that’s all he wants to do… All. Class. Long. So beware when you are sparring with him, he may dislocate your wrist.

The Pro
This is your ideal sparring partner, male or female, they know what they’re doing, they’re patient if you don’t entirely know what you’re doing and their technique is faultless. The only caveat – they’ll probably never partner with you again once they realise how shite you actually are!!

So there you have it, your 101 on boxing classes – take note, it will serve you well. Tomorrow I will be revisiting my love for Ashtanga yoga, again at the wholly unearthly hour of 7am (yes this means a 5.30am alarm and 6am departure from homely abode) – catch ya then!

Excuse me now while I go devour a gallon or two of water…

Facebook Me!

You know those girls (and guys for that matter) who pose for their Facebook pictures like they think they’re modelling for Vogue (or GQ). We all have them somewhere in our online trove of “facebook friends”.



They pout, they pose, they strike the old-favourite over the shoulder maneouvre as though they were reacting to paparazzi on the red carpet when in fact they have specifically asked a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/stranger to capture them in exactly this pose in exactly this lighting and then post it up on their profile as though they just happened to be looking like that at the time the camera just happened to be in use…

The ones where they’re naked or semi-naked are even funnier, not to mention the bizarre individuals that are literally making love to the camera. Why the F do they think this is something their fellow facebookers wish to see? The joke is that the aforementioned ‘fellow facebookers’ merely regard these images with an arched eyebrow and quizzical expression, not deigning to believe that this loser actually took the time to pose for said pictures and then uploaded them.

These pictures are essentially the work of a serial attention whore. You know the person. The one that cannot survive without the spotlight shining directly on them at all times. The one who in school always had to be the lead in the school play and threw a tantrum if she/he didn’t get it. The one who pulled the most outlandish (and overtly sexy) dance moves at every party you went to. The one who always wore/wears the skimpiest, most ridiculous outfits – regardless of the season. The one who always, without fail, makes a scene about something – just in case people weren’t already paying attention.

The people who litter their facebook photo albums with these poser-esque types of pictures are of course mega show-offs – crying out for people to observe their looks… from every, single, angle. Of course, every facebook user is a show-off of sorts, posting updates about your night in a 5* hotel in Korea, updating your relationship status to ‘engaged’, uploading photos of you and your significant other ensconced in each other’s arms while reclining on a sandy beach on a remote but expensive island while your friends sit at their office computers staring out at the rain and harbour inner hatred and jealousy.

However, the posers are the biggest show-offs of them all. Just saying!!



With the 2010 release of The Social Network, facebook has recaptured the attention of those defecting to the likes of Twitter and Flickr and so on, as people rediscover the fascination of Mark Zuckerberg’s digital brainchild and their equal fascination with what and who their “friends” are doing.

Breaking News: Incidentally, star of the movie, Jesse Eisenberg, has just been nominated for Best Actor at the Oscars. If ever there was a time to get your pose on…